Dear Family of Love,
I'm on an every other day prayer walking time. Rest is essential when I don't have the energy and have one of my sinus headaches like I do today. Many days have passed since my dad Leroy F. Macdonald Jr. entered Eternal life. I have been reflecting upon my role as caregiver and what that means as a family member who sacrificed many things to take care of aging parents and a life partner. Here is my reflection:
My odyssey into caregiving began when I started to take care of my mother Louise when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was doing temp jobs and many times of being retrained to keep up with the technological advances needed in the workplace and also learning a Spanish to be able to work in governmental agencies.
As my my mother's illness progressed and she became an invalid and couldn't walk and ended up bed-ridden I took on the major role of caregiver. I did this steadily for about 6 years until she passed away in 2005. I was ill prepared for what I would be called to do for her. It was almost like I had a return to my life as a pre-school teacher of 2 year-olds. Housekeeping and helping an adult with personal care and everything having to do with a bedridden loved one was a daunting time to say the least. I learned quite a bit of what a nurse would do. The physical and emotional toll of being a caregiver placed me in pain and not only that at times resenting my lot as a caregiver. I loved Mom but it wasn't easy to have to take on a quasi-parental role. After my mom died on March 5, 2005 on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, I thought that I was free and could and would be able to find work even though I was afforded a retraining program through the Workforce Investment Act and Atlas Computer school where I became a geekette. I applied for work all over to no avail. At the same time throughout these periods of caregiving I was a lay minister and had many ministries I was involved in at St. Peter's Episcopal Church in Santa Maria. I was also in a committed long term relationship with my life partner Steve who had complex health issues. Around Christmas 2008 following a month's stay at Cottage Hospital in Santa Barbara Steve came home to be with my dad and me for a few weeks post hospitalization . I learned how to to wound care and know more about his illness Hidradenitis Suppurativa which can be described as acne on overload. He lived in Lompoc and had caregivers there when he got home. We were on an odyssey with his cancer diagnosis and trying to find the best solutions for his care. It was finally decided that he would undergo his treatment for cancer here in Santa Maria and move his care predominantly here. In 2010 Steve folded in with us in our home and I took care of him throughout his cancer treatments. He was on the same drug 5FU as I currently am. He remained with us until he had to be placed in a care facility until he died on August 19, 2012. I learned more about caregiving for one who had tricky bleeding episodes, complex wounds, and the like. At the same time I was caring for Steve I also had my dad to take care of. Not an easy task but it was better than having to be in two cities at once. After Steve's passing I took care of my dad until this last hospitalization.
You can see a large chunk of my life has been devoted to caregiving and a lot of self-sacrifice! I find that I'm having flashes of being angry. I'm n not angry about the caregiving, but angry about my brothers who think just because I was a caregiver and didn't have a paying job and was supported by Dad that I'm dumb, don't know anything, and couldn't possibly manage on my own and need help and advice.I have successfully taken care of 3 of my loved ones, served God and am serving God in God's church, kingdom, and not to mention being in 3 major leadership rolls in the Order of the Daughters of the King (R) all at the same time while writing this blog and prayer walking and learning all that is needed to be a support system in a new and growing cyber ministry. Everything you have seen above and are seeing helps me be uniquely keyed in to what our family is going through. This is not to be seen as a pity party but a story of how God has been working throughout this time period for 15 years! God is Good! Everything I/we do is to God's Glory and with loving and caring hearts. I have seen my life as a caregiver as one of pilgrimage and a time of holy care for loved ones. In the next week I challenge each of us to take time to care for the the caregivers in your life.
First let us pray for caregivers!
Dear God we pray for all caregivers that they may be regarded as holy people who care for our family with tender loving care.
We pray that we may step up and help them get the rest they richly and earnestly deserve.
May we be non-judgemental just because they sacrifice much to care. May we cease being opinionated and giving unwanted advice just to be helpful.
We give thanks to you O God for caregivers who have an abundance of knowledge that most of our family members do not have.
We pray for all caregiver's health, finances, and lives that are sometimes sacrificed in order to provide care.
We pray for the following Caregivers of every stripe:
Clergy
Hospital workers
Hospital Chaplains
Seminarians who are doing CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education)
Mental health workers and aides
Law enforcement personnel.
Emergency Medical Technicians
Emergency rescue personnel
Pastoral Care teams (Lay Eucharistic Ministers, Lay Eucharistic Visitors, those who sit vigil at the bedside of the dying)
Hospice workers
Mortuary personnel
Certified Nursing Assistants
Nurses
Home health aides
House keepers
In Home Supportive Services
Medical professionals
Disabled transportation workers
Caregiving and in home agencies
Nursing home workers
Family members who care for loved ones
Visiting Nurses
Lord God we pray this night for all who are caregiving and may they get rest when they need it and that we may respond to their needs. We lift up these our prayers to you in your most Holy Name. Amen.
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Dear Family that's all for this evening! I love you and I give thanks to God for you allowing me to tell my story as a caregiver. Remember I love you, you matter, and yes you are a caregiver too if you give care to anyone.
Love, prayers, peace, blessings, and joy be always yours!
Sara
Click here to see the:
Caregiver's Bill of Rights
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