Dear Sisters and Brothers in our Family of Love,
Today was filled with mixed emotions but yet a time to celebrate life and those whom we love. Today would have been my beloved sister Margaret's 63 birthday! The last time I celebrated her birthday with her was in 1997 the Summer before she died on Christmas Eve. Today was also chemo day where I celebrate the day by eating out and enjoying good food loaded with protein to give me energy to meet the infusion head on with grace, love, and faith. Dr. Vara is still pleased and I still like him a lot. He is a very kind and sincere human being an loving practitioner of oncology. He definitely has a calling to this kind of ministry of healing.
Chemo takes about 3 1/2 hours, including the pump installation. After chemo I went home and decided or should I say God encouraged me to make yet another bold step into my new life and healing. Tonight it was time to consign Steve's and my rings to the Pacific Ocean and lovingly let go of another piece of my past not with sadness but with joy and a calm resolve that Steve and I will be in the Thin Places in the future, when ever that maybe. I feel his loving presence in my life everyday. I got the rings and went up to Pismo Beach and I remembered a spot where we stood looking out, breathing in the sea air, loving each other, and yes our physical attraction one to another. This was after one of his chemo and radiation treatments. We were passionate about living and loving although some times it wasn't easy. I found a bench where I gently removed the rings off a chain I said prayers and let the ring he gave me go into the peaceful sound of the Pacific Ocean and, then the ring that I had given him was the last one to gently fall into the surf. You see the surf, ocean, beach were his places where he found a spiritual place and equilibrium. I was misty but happy to finally do this piece of the grieving process and felt the love of God surrounding me. I remembered when we were at Pismo Beach for the 4th of July many years ago and I decided to go down and walk on the sand, put my feet into the wet sand, and then feel the surf do a kind of foot washing. The water wasn't cold and it lovingly caressed my toes as I prayed for all of you and yes our journey continues wherever we prayer walk. Broadway route a.k.a. El Camino Real, Labyrinths, Piers, or on a sandy beach at Pismo. God is with us on this journey wherever we are. The past 4 Chemo cycles were dedicated to God. Beginning this the 5 cycle of Chemo to Cycle 8 will be known and dedicated with intention to Jesus, and the final Four will be dedicated to the Holy Spirit. So tonight we will listen and pray silently to a few of my favorite John Michael Talbot tunes and have a few prayers.
John Michael Talbot - Healer of My Soul Play List
God we give thanks to you for the gift of Your Son Jesus who taught us many things about life, love, forgiving and acceptance of the Least of these.
Jesus may we learn and finally get that your yoke is easy and your burden is light.
Jesus give us that firm and gentle touch on our shoulders to look out for our family members with love and compassion.
Jesus remind us that you are always a refugee and that you are always seeking refuge in our hearts.
Jesus help us to be gentle to ourselves and to one another.
Jesus may we learn to let go and be open to all of the new experiences that you are giving us on our journey together.
Jesus we lift up our many prayers, concerns, anxieties, and any thing that is weighing us down to you for healing, reconciliation, and place us on the path to wholeness and resilience.
Jesus we thank you for your offering of yourself as the loving gift of salvation for all at all times. May we learn that in you we are one and that all means all not some.
May we breathe in the holy oil of healing that Mary lovingly anointed your feet may we serve each other in the same manner and spirit.
Jesus help us to be peacemakers in this broken and violent world. Give us hands, voices, loving actions to speak truth to power without fear and faltering.
Jesus help us to follow your example of loving acceptance and service to all of our family members nearby, stranger, and enemy, and the least of these.
Jesus come into our hearts, heal us and make us whole we ask this in Your Most Holy and Loving Name. Amen.
*****
Good Night Brothers and Sisters of the Family of Love! I love you and give thanks to God for you this night and always!
With love, joy, blessings, and abundant gladness!
Sara
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